7 Ways to Float on Cloud Nine – and What the Research Says

Recently, I have been on a journey to learn about happiness (still in progress!) through reading, listening to podcasts, watching other people, and then considering what makes me happy.

As I sat down to make a list of what makes me happy I wondered about the research behind each one. What I have outlined below are actions that make me happy and what some of the research says.

I hope you find your happiness – maybe through one of these ways:

1 – Plan ahead- build anticipation

As much as I believe it’s important to be present, there are times when I get caught up in what’s to come! Like my sister’s wedding, for example. I couldn’t wait to see her walk down the aisle, visit with family I hadn’t seen in a while, and take a week off to enjoy the festivities both before and after her special day. Also, I was looking forward to stepping out of my typical mommy and work clothes!

It’s an interesting balance – on the one hand, I’m creating an expectation of a future experience that may or may not meet that expectation when it happens: 1) There’s the risk of it leading to disappointment, and 2) I’m missing out on something that may be happening in the present moment. On the other hand, there’s a real high and happiness that comes from thinking about that future experience. 

What’s the “thing” that is bringing this improved feeling of well being?  ANTICIPATION!

What some of the research says…

Research has shown that anticipation is such a strong feeling, that we tend to experience more intense emotions about events in the future than those in the past.  In one particular research study by Leaf Van Boven, University of Colorado at Boulder, and Laurence Ashworth, Queen’s University, participants were told to imagine a ski holiday.  Some participants were to imagine that six months from now they would go on an all expenses paid ski vacation. The other group was told that the trip took place six months in the past. (Source: Roberts, Martha)

The results demonstrated that participants got more excited about a ski holiday in the future than they did about a ski holiday in the past, both hypothetical and real. Van Boven and Ashworth think that anticipating events can help improve people’s well being. “Our research suggests that the enjoyment people glean from anticipation might also be an important component of life satisfaction.” (Source: Boven, Leaf; Ashworth, Laurence)

(PS – The wedding and all it encompassed was as good as I imagined it would be!)

Action: Make an exciting plan every couple of weeks (a date night, a vacation, a special dinner) – and enjoy the happiness and anticipation you feel.

2 – Talk about positive experiences

If there’s anything I enjoy about a Monday morning it’s the chit chat that revolves around what we all did on the weekend.  There’s just something about sipping my morning coffee, hanging around the work water cooler, sharing, laughing, listening before heading off to our respective work areas. Not only do I get to “re-live” those experiences, but others’ contributions and support also provide that binding thread of camaraderie.

This is an interesting phenomena to me as I typically need “me time” in the mornings after getting the kids to school and pre-school (read about the “Triple T” –and how I manage life as an introvert). But I have to admit I always feel lighter and happier after catching up no matter what the circumstances are on Monday morning. I also find great satisfaction when my husband and I lie in bed at night and talk about our day’s positive experiences.  Especially when I have good news to share.  In the hustle and bustle of life it’s nice to connect by sharing stories and experiences.

What some of the research says…

U.S. psychologists conducted various studies where they recorded participant’s moods after they verbally shared a positive experience, and compared them to those who wrote down the positive experience or shared neutral information with a friend. “The results showed that directly sharing positive information resulted in consistently higher happiness levels – higher than those stemming from simply talking to a friend or recalling a positive experience.” (Source: Positive News)

The results also showed that if a person shares a positive experience with another person at least twice a week, there is more satisfaction with their life than if they wrote about the experience twice a week. What was important about the research was the receiver of the information.  If the receiver reacts positively to the sharing, then the person who is sharing has greater happiness.  For more information on the research, visit here.

Action: Don’t be shy – share your happy news and encourage others to share too!

3 – Take pictures

Isn’t there something satisfying in finding a good picture, lining it up, getting the right angle and taking it? 

I love taking pictures. Especially when I’m outside with the kids and they’re in their element playing, engaging with nature, or experiencing something for the first time. Taking a picture has become second nature – it’s easy and convenient because our phones are usually close by. While there’s lots written about how much time we spend using technology and the negative impact, there’s actually some benefits to taking pictures.

What some of the research says…

What has been shown to affect enjoyment is the extent to which people are engaged with the experience. In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology it was found that taking photos of an experience increases engagement and with more engagement comes more happiness. In particular, the findings showed that taking pictures heightens enjoyment when the experience is positive (but has the opposite effect when the experience is negative). (Source: Diehl et al)

Having pictures can increase happiness too. In an article written by Gretchen Rubin (author of The Happiness Project) for Huffington Post, she talks about the power of photos.

A couple of my favorites are:

• “A photo of something can sometimes replace the thing itself” – I once bought a wine holder for my step-dad.  It was wooden, had vines painted all over it and could hold about six bottles. A work of art! I’m not sure why I took the picture.  But a few months later I was looking through old photos and the picture showed up among the hundreds I had collected. He had passed away – the picture reminded me of him and his sense of adventure and love of making wine.
• “Taking photographs can act as a diary” – When my children were really young and I was in the throes of maternity leave I took hundreds of pictures.  Once they were taken I created a book capturing their first years. What is great is that the pictures were marked with the date so I had a chronological perspective into each one.  And I thoroughly enjoyed the picture-taking too, of course!

Action: When you take a picture, become conscious of how you feel. Notice if you are engaged and happy, and be present with that happiness.

4 – Create your ‘happy’ habits

Over the years I’ve spent a lot of time considering what really makes me happy.  And what I’ve realized is that although what makes me happy can be ever-changing (like having a successful career, which has a different definition for me than it did 10 years ago), there are some things I aim to do most days that boost my happiness and are not tied to long-term or materialistic desires.

For me, the happy habits that I lean on are:

• To exercise at least three times per week – it can be at the gym or at home, or even just a walk.
• To find some “alone” time every day – even if it’s only 15 minutes.
• To do something I love (like writing) – to carve out time each day.
• To connect in a deeper, thoughtful way with at least one to three people every day – this means I take time to have a conversation that is not just surface level, but is authentic and allows me to “be myself” (which is part of my personal unfolding as I’ve always worried about what other’s think of me).
• Make time with my kids – I make a special effort to spend one-on-one time with my kids.  One of my favorite things to do is sit at the kitchen table with them at night and talk about what made us happy that day. We have a glass container that holds our happy thoughts. (There’s a great Parents.com article here on 20 Simple Ways to Have a Happier Family)
• To enjoy the present and be grateful for the moment – I always remind myself that though life can be rocky, there may be a day where it goes to heck – and I’ll wish I had taken those other moments with a grain of salt. I’ve very aware that things “could be worse”.
• To pull myself out of the past when I find myself living there – sometimes I find myself focusing on “bad” experiences of the past and that means I’m reliving all those bad feelings even if the present moment is perfectly fine. I make a conscious effort to focus on the present moment, which is usually pretty good!

What some of the research says…

The ABC’s of social psychology – affect, behavior and cognition are what we rely on in order to maintain or improve our life through successful interaction with other people. Social affect refers to our feelings and signal to us that everything is either going well or not going well.  We experience affect in two ways – through mood and emotions. Mood refers to “the positive or negative feelings that are in the background of our everyday experiences”, while emotions are “brief, but often intense, mental and physiological feeling states.” (Source: Opentextbc) Whereas we experience moods in normal circumstances, we experience emotions when circumstances are out of the ordinary.

Psychologist Robert Thayer argues that moods are created by our habitualness – those activities or thoughts that we take part in each day, whether it is how much we sleep, how often we move, what we think, or how often we think it. Our moods, then, are the filter of how we experience our life. (Source: Medium) As a result, it makes sense to engage in healthy habits, especially those that enable you to find time to pursue your passion(s) each day. Having specific habits or routines also means you’re likely going to get better at it over time, which means you can complete each action and feel good about it! A quick win!

On the other side of the coin, according to Northwestern Medicine, many people who don’t have any type of routine suffer from:

• Stress. No routine often means having the constant worry of “when will I get it all done.”
• Poor sleep. Without a daily routine at work and/or home, you may find yourself playing catch-up with yesterday’s to-do list. If you’re always behind on what should have been done the day before, you’re likely also staying awake worrying about what didn’t.
• Poor eating. Unhealthy diets (like eating lots of fast food) become the norm if there isn’t time scheduled for grocery shopping. Quick, unhealthy substitutes become the next best food option.
• Poor physical condition. Working out usually requires some advance planning.
• Ineffective use of time. Often, no routine means you simply run out of time, leaving things undone and not making the most of your time.

(Source: Northwestern Medicine)

Action: Create your own happy habits to boost your happiness – keep them attainable and flexible.

5 – Write down your perfect world

My husband and I got married in his parent’s backyard in August 2012. As with many weddings we had a table that was focused on “us” – with the guest book, a place for people to share their wedding advice, and pictures of ourselves as kids and as a couple. Also on the table was a vision board of what we wanted for our marriage. 

The process of creating a vision board brings a number of benefits. First, the act of doing it carves out time for you to consider what you want. As part of this, it gives you something to reference – to measure what you’ve accomplished and to remind you of or encourage you to reconsider your needs over time. Second, when I think of how I felt in the process of creating a vision board I’m reminded of the days I drove in my car and imagined I had won the lottery (the things you do on a long work commute!). At times I got so caught up in the vision that I found myself getting excited and actually started to believe I had won some big money!  What I liked about creating a vision board were the happy feelings it created. 

In addition to a vision board, I’ve also tried writing down what I want but describing it as though I already have it (law of attraction). I used this technique when I was looking for a job.  I had a lot of fun writing down what I wanted my role and the work environment to look like.  I even described my work colleagues and my office space, right down to the plants and pictures in my office.  Again, there was a sense of excitement and happiness tied into this experience (and believe it or not, much of it came to fruition)! 

What I know now is that each of these activities encouraged the process of visualization, which is closely tied to our emotions and future actions.

What some of the research says…

Research in cognitive neuroscience suggests that visualizing an event or situation can influence how we deal with the real thing.  According to Mary Ann Troiani, co-author of Spontaneous Optimism, “If you experience that visualization with your eyes closed, your mind doesn’t know if it’s real or unreal.” (Source: Time.com) When you visualize something your brain chemistry changes as though the experience was real.

What’s also interesting about visualization is that once you have the end goal in mind it opens the door to begin to consider how you will get there, which research has shown to increase your chances of reaching that goal (leading to happiness in that success). For example, in a study by Shelley Taylor and Lien Pham, they asked one group of students to focus on the outcome – getting a good grade – while another group was asked to mentally focus on the process for doing well. A control group was asked to monitor their study habits. The results indicated that thinking about the process enhanced studying and improved grades. (Source: Pham, L. B., & Taylor, S. E.)

So, my learning in visualization is two-fold.  One, when you visualize, you are establishing a specific goal. Two, when you have that goal, it’s important to imagine you have already achieved it…and if you can, to write it down!

A good article is online at Psychology Today, which discusses visualization in more detail and outlines some steps to take. 

Action: If you find yourself in a situation that is sucking away all your happiness, visualize something that will make you happy. Better yet – make visualization a part of how you set and achieve life goals.

6 – Align your life to your values

When I think about values, this is what comes to mind:

• I am starting to see that many of the challenges that pop up in my life are a result of not being fully conscious of what my values are.
• I see that having clear values is valuable for moving through life’s challenges and in decision-making.
• I see a strong link between knowing your values and being authentic.

Of course, all of these thoughts led me to search for some tools that would help me to clarify my values.

I went to Life Values Inventory to try out their tool (I found this on my own and was not asked to try it or provide any feedback on it). My experience was positive in terms of the length, structure and outcomes of doing the survey.

In particular, what I really liked about it was the quick rating scale used for 42 statements.  Once my values were listed from high to low, it asked me to place them into buckets – 1) those values that are high priority and which I’m acting on, 2) those values that are lower priority and which I felt I was spending too much time on, 3) those values that are higher priority that I wish I was spending more time on, and 4) those values I didn’t really place any immediate priority on.

Here are the responses for the first three.

I have to say that I wasn’t surprised by the results.  I suppose I was more conscious of my values than I thought I was!  But what I can see from this table is that there are values I want to spend more time aligning myself with, which means that when I make decisions I’ll consider these ones. For example, privacy and having time to myself are important.

In a more simple way, you can review this list below to identify what resonates with you most. Pick your top five to seven.

Source: Psychology Today

There are also more in-depth worksheets you can use to walk you through your values.

What some of the research says…

The relationship between values and happiness is varied. There’s some research that focuses on the belief that people will be happy as long as their life is in line with their values, independent of the nature of their values. (Source: Psychwiki) Other research looks at how some values are more important for all individuals and that the more they deviate from these, the more likely they will be to undermine their happiness. For example, there’s some research demonstrating that people who focus on achievement are less happy than those people who value helping others.  (Source: Ah Lee, M., & Kawachi, I.)

Since I was researching happiness as it relates to my own personal development, my preference was to focus on how I want to better align my values with my actions, not the impact of my specific values on my happiness. (Plus, it would appear that my highest prioritized value of “achievement” does not seem to bode well for me – Oh My!) 

At a foundational level, knowing our values gives us insight into our motivations and what’s important to us.  They are also the lense through which we perceive situations. For example, sky diving may appear risky for someone who values safety and security, while for someone who values adventure or excitement, it would be a fun activity to participate in.

Once you have a clearer picture of what you value, it may mean discarding some values that have been a part of you all your life. This is where the heavy work lies because change can be …really hard! You may not have been completely happy but everything was familiar and somewhat comfortable, right? In any readings I have looked at the best way to make any changes is to try incrementally. For instance, for me to find more privacy and alone time I might tell my family that every morning I’m taking 10 minutes to meditate.   

Ultimately, living your values means first knowing what they are (and they may change over time) and then making choices that reflect your values. By doing so, you place more emphasis on actions, situations and people that bring you happiness.

Have a look at this article online at Psychology Today to learn how to align your values to your life.

Action: Understand your values and consider them as your guide in life – through challenging situations and decision making. When you make a decision consider “Does this support my values?”

7 – Lose track of time

Have you ever been so focused on doing something that the passage of time eludes you? What about if that activity you’re focused on fills you with joy, happiness, or great satisfaction? My greatest flow comes from writing. I can spend a whole day writing and barely move from my desk. In fact, I have spent at least a week writing this blog post, and I’m sure it would have been less time had I not had a full-time job or a family to be with!

When I look at flow I tend to relate it to my life’s purpose.  At some point, many of us wonder “Why am I on this earth and what do I have to offer?” When I became aware of what my flow was, I realized how much it tied into what I felt my purpose was. Or, should I say…it filled me with purpose. 

This is where finding flow is important for everyone and where there are benefits in losing track of time – in a good way!   Once you find your flow, you can work towards making space in your life to engage in it more.

What some of the research says…

“Flow” has often also been described as “the zone”. According to Sports Psychologist Dr. Jay Granat, “The zone is a state of mind which is marked by a sense of calmness. In addition, there is a heightened sense of awareness and focus. Actions seem effortless and there is an increased belief that your dreams or goals can become achievable and real. In addition, there is also a sense of deep enjoyment when the person is in this unique, special and magical state of being.” (Source: Goalcast)

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wrote a book called “Flow – The Psychology of Optimal Experience”, and according to him, flow is “a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.”

The key to Csikszentmihalyi’s thoughts on flow is that it is found with the right balance between challenge level and our individual interests and skills. When they are balanced this is where we are energized and happiest. Csikszentmihalyi says, “On the job people feel skillful and challenged, and therefore feel more happy, strong, creative, and satisfied. In their free time people feel that there is generally not much to do and their skills are not being used, and therefore they tend to feel more sad, weak, dull, and dissatisfied….” (Source: Goodreads)

Interestingly, his definition of flow is one that conflicts on some level with our yearnings for leisure and how we believe we will find happiness in it. “Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times—although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something that we make happen.” (Source: Goodreads)

Source of image: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology) Adapted after Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi – Flow: The psychology of optimal experience

Action: Now that you know what “flow” is think about the last time you lost track of time and what it was you were doing. Was it something you enjoyed? If so, know that this is amazing for you! Find opportunities to engage in this activity again.   

Unfolding Tip:

Take time to define what happiness looks like to you. How does it feel? With this in mind, you can be more conscious of what brings you happiness and find ways to maximize it!  

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REFERENCES

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Boven, L. V., & Ashworth, L. (2007). Looking forward, looking back: Anticipation is more evocative than retrospection. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 136(2), 289-300. doi:10.1037/0096-3445.136.2.289. Retrieved from https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/6f1b/659f2864eb98df7ca4d509067162d65060ab.pdf

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Diehl, K., Zauberman, G., & Barasch, A. (2016). How taking photos increases enjoyment of experiences. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 111(2), 119-140. doi:10.1037/pspa0000055 Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-pspa0000055.pdf

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Get Lost Doing What You Love: 5 Tips for Entering a Flow State. (2017, December 19). Retrieved from https://www.goalcast.com/2017/12/19/5-tips-entering-flow-state/

Rajan, Ravi Shankar. (2017, October 06). To Be Insanely Creative, you Need to Find your FLOW. Retrieved from https://medium.com/the-mission/to-be-insanely-creative-you-need-to-find-your-flow-44ca9b905ae1

Flow Quotes by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/64339-flow-the-psychology-of-optimal-experience