Change Amidst COVID-19: We ARE in This Together and It Is Gorgeous

There’s nothing like a global pandemic to shine a spotlight on both the productive or limiting behaviors, thoughts and feelings we had when the world was spinning at a frenzied pace. A change in our lives can spark new awareness.  It creates conflict within us initially and then slowly begins to crumble old beliefs and ways of doing things.

As I reflect on my life with COVID-19 influencing each part of it, I wonder where my thoughts and actions have been different from or similar to other peoples. I see that it is never a linear process when we move through a change.  But there is a common curve we move through. There’s comfort in knowing that someone may be in the exact same place as us, struggling or embracing whatever realizations are unfolding within them.

From being in denial and pissed off, to feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, and then hope – here is one change model and the impacts that COVID-19 are having on my life (and maybe yours too).

Shock and denial…

For many of us, the shock and denial stage began with COVID-19 changing our work routine. One day I’m working on a face-to-face training program, the next day I’m stuffing my laptop and headset into my computer bag, feeling like I’m in a sci-fi movie.  “Pffff, yeah right – a catastrophic virus threatens to take over the world – as if.”  I felt this social distancing was simply an overly cautious step to prepare us for the short term.

The denial continued to unfold even when the kids were let out of school early in the year. We were given a solid date for when they would return. It’s only three weeks I told myself.  It’ll be fine. Of course I can hack buying my groceries online.  That’s what technology is for after all. And this social distancing from family and friends – as an introvert this would be no problem at all! At first glance all these changes seemed one-dimensional with little thought as to what was happening behind the scenes and what would later evolve.

Anger…

Then, as we all experienced, life turned completely upside down with more stringent measures to halt the spread of the virus.  It’s where anger seemed to sneak in unexpectedly, towards not just people but whole countries. I shook my head at vacationers on the beaches of Miami and at friends taking off for Florida, and “tsk tsked” at countries entering the game late when dealing with COVID-19. I felt weighted down by an anchor of bitterness. 

This anger was steeped in the realization that COVID-19 would not bring one main change, like a new IT system or a change in diet. 

It would change everything and we, seemingly, had no control.

From the way we work, spend money, and eat, to how we exercise, parent, and engage with friends and family (and even strangers). It even changed how we measure our weeks, where Wednesday “hump” day and “thank god it’s Friday” barely exist in the minutiae of this new life where everyday is like ground hog day.

Meanwhile, like all change management processes, we were being guided as much as possible not just by our governments, but by friends, family members, medical professionals, employers, and others. I remember my first line-up outside a grocery store as the clerk confidently provided directions while vigorously cleaning the cart. Strangers and friends alike helped us to understand why changes were happening, how to make them, why they were important, and provided choices to us (i.e. order food online or line up at the grocery store).

Resistance…

Despite the many changes that were happening, I felt like I was haulin’ ass in this new world, faster than I ever did in my previous life. I felt my resistance (and resilience) come into play.

I could do this work from home. I just had to promise candy to the kids during my morning meetings.

I could also find time to teach them while working. I simply needed to get up extra early to take advantage of their willingness to learn in the early hours.

I could survive not being physically present with my friends and family. I was never great at hugs anyways.

Heck, I could even deal with no impromptu shopping at Marshalls. It’s not like I needed another tank top.

I’ve got this.

Plus, social media was ablaze with productivity. Learn how to sew. Get into shape. Build new skills.  I was ramping up to be successful with this change. 

Depression…

That is, until I wasn’t.  As we saw the effects of COVID-19 on our essential service and front-line workers and heard about the number of people dying every day increase, a heavy depression threatened to settle upon us. We were glued to our TV’s and social media accounts, until it all became too much and a sadness proliferated into work and family life.

It wasn’t just about sadness either.

There was guilt too as a light shined on how lucky or unlucky we each were in our individual lives depending on our circumstances. I felt lucky to have my children in the next room. And yet, I knew essential workers who could not be with their kids.  I was able to work from home with a secure job while I watched friends with Airbnb rentals unable to pay for their mortgages.

COVID-19 created grand paradoxes and realizations – the significant reduction of pollution at the expense of economic growth and production; the immense value of our essential and front-line workers; and the importance of supply chains in our own countries, to name a few.

Acceptance…

The thing about the sad and depressed stage is that when we hit rock bottom there’s only one way to go – and that’s up (so it’s been said). I remember one morning trying to get my work done as the kids yelled and bounced on the spare bed behind me. I yelled so loud I hurt my throat. I started to cry and didn’t stop all day. 

I fell to one of my lowest points, fully aware that the reasons behind my experiencing that low point were probably no where close to other peoples’ reasons.

The self-pity jag lingered for a few days before I saw some light at the end of the tunnel.  Eventually, it appeared that other people were also beginning to move into some form of acceptance.  It wasn’t a complete move towards it.  Sometimes depression and anger found their way into our homes again, but we found we were able to recover a little faster. 

Some of us pulled way from the news and the ideals of productivity as it was being defined by others. Sometimes we had to allow ourselves to feel everything we were feeling with no regret or personal judgement. It was about finding a way to survive.

For me, it also came down to coming to terms with two questions.

• When will this all end?
• When will things become “normal” again? 

As soon as I accepted that there may not be an end to any of this soon and that life would probably never be the same as it was before, I was able to let go.  Frankly, I didn’t feel I had much choice.  Either fight the uncertainty or live with it. Meanwhile, I also began to see that all the simple things in life were becoming more clear to me and valuable. If there was ever an opportunity to take advantage of the good changes that were happening, now was the time. 

Commitment…

What would be our new normal? What was worth keeping from the past and what could we strip away? I know that when COVID-19 is considered gone it will be tempting to fall back into that “normal” I had.

And society will be clamoring for our attention again, tempting us and feasting on our desire for normalcy.

What I’m afraid of the most is that I will forget what I learned and will go back to what I have always done, which, in hindsight, are not all good.  In addition to writing this reflective piece, I am writing down what this time of COVID-19 taught me.

I will also remember all the good I saw from other people and countries.

These are all the things I want to remember in my experience with COVID-19, which completely shocked, slowed down and changed the world forever. 

Many times when we go through a change it seems impossible to believe that we will come out on the other end to a point of acceptance and ability to somehow flow with the new norm.  We sometimes feel we are alone in our thoughts and feelings and that no one truly understands the impacts of a change on us.

But when you have not one but 7.6 billion people experiencing it (perhaps a little less if we exclude those who are so young they don’t realize it), there’s comfort in knowing that other people may be feeling or acting in the same way as us.

The changes brought by COVID-19 are not easy and they won’t be easy for some time as we grapple with the economic challenges ahead of us. But it’s helpful to know that we are moving through a process that is predictable, normal and experienced by billions.

And that, “Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end.” (Robin Sharma)

I’ll eat to that (it’s one thing I’ve become exceptionally good at these past few months)!