Reflections on the Stages of Unfolding

For a moment, I felt I could see deep within their soul and a feeling that we were the same.

I was paired with a stranger, facing them, standing less than two feet away. When the facilitator asked us to “simply” stand there and look into each other’s eyes all I wanted to do at first was laugh. Ten seconds felt like an eternity, never mind three minutes. As I stood there, staring into the eyes of this stranger, what I felt next was embarrassment. Did I have crumbs on my face or make-up under my eyes? After that I felt an intense anger directed at the facilitator for leading such a “stupid” exercise. And then I settled on sadness.

I thought I saw similar emotions pass over the face of my partner. Until, for a moment, I felt I could see deep within their soul and a feeling that we were the same. That feeling has been hard to come by again. Probably because it takes hard work to get there – stillness of the mind, being present, and vulnerability.  

I recently came across a podcast where a man by the name of Michael Bernard Beckwith (the founder of Agape International Spiritual Centre) shares the four stages of unfolding. Of course, since my blog is all about “unfolding” I was curious to hear what he had to say. What Mr. Beckwith shared really resonated with me, although I must admit that the last stage is difficult to understand and likely because I have yet to reach it (except maybe that one time when I stared into a stranger’s eyes).

The underpinning message behind Mr. Beckwith’s stages is that we get to participate in our unfolding. It is not accidental and it is not controlled by anyone outside of ourselves. The secret to our unfolding is within ourselves and we must move past something in each stage to get to the next one. 

“We’re not in this world to get anything – we are in this world to let something unfold from within us”. (Beckwith; Podcast)

As I was learning about each stage, I wondered where I was in each one (if at all) and how it related to various areas of my life.

Here’s my interpretation of the stages and reflections on each.

The Victim – “To Me”

This is the stage where a person has given up all their power to something or someone outside of themselves. They believe that their destiny, happiness, or where they are in life is not determined by them. So they blame others or the outside world for their circumstances and experiences. When in this stage there is always a victim story. They are their own worst enemy.

To me, the really unfortunate part of this stage is that when we exist in this thought process there is the potential to drown in it. We can get caught up in it, which only leads to more resentment, anger, and negativity. The more we think this way, the more we lean on this way of thinking and never quite “see” the good, our worth, our growth or the road to forgiveness.

At times this stage reminds me of a child. It makes me think of my little boy when he’s having a bad day. He’ll say things like “This is the worst day EVER!” or “You’re making me this way!” I try to explain to him that his feelings and behavior are his and it’s ok to feel angry, sad or whatever he’s feeling. But that he can choose when he’s done feeling that way. That he has choices.  

We all have people who are ‘the victim’ in our lives, or at least, have come across them. Maybe even we, ourselves, are in that stage. The key to moving out of it is to let go of blame and to embrace forgiveness as a way of life.

The Manifester – “By Me”

This stage is one where a person sees that they have responsibility for their own life. They see that they have control over their thoughts, feeling and behaviors. They understand that their energy can push things away or bring things to them. They can get out of their own way. There’s personal ownership. Mr. Beckwith says “You don’t describe what you see – You see what you describe.” If you can describe the life you want, then you can begin to manifest it.

If I were to examine my own life, I would say that it wasn’t until my late 20s that I began to really understand the notion of how to create my own life. I remember when I was younger always blaming my parents for my shortcomings. When I was in my 20s I somehow learned that I had to take responsibility for my own feelings and actions. Likely it came when I had moved out, started my career and could see the correlation between hard work and progress. Plus, how long was I going to blame my parents for any of my shortcomings? Once I realized this, there was a sense of empowerment that settled over me. I held the pen and could begin to write my own story.

I think there’s a tendency for people to feel comfortable in this stage. They are creating their success and it feels good. To get to the next stage, they need to “let go”. 

The Channel – “Through Me”

This stage is where a person lets things go as they may. There’s a belief that the “universe” is guiding them. “…We go from a sense of personal significance grounded in our own success, to feeling a sense of humility about being part of something greater than ourselves.” (Richards) In this stage, there is a letting go of control, having faith and trust in the bigger story that is unfolding.

One of my more significant experiences in this stage was when I was in between jobs and looking for a new one. Knowing what it took to be successful and leaning on these actions each day, there was a real tendency for me to be laser focused on finding a new position. I could have found a job quickly in the city (simply because there were more out there) and I was tempted to apply for any opportunity that came up. This was despite having an end goal of finding a position close to home so that I could be with my family and not spend time commuting hours each day.

I was so exhausted by the experience that I took a break and released control. I took time to write down what I wanted, spent designated time each day applying for jobs, and then focused on me and my self-care. I let go of controlling the outcome and through that release experienced a sense of lightness and happiness. I surrendered to the process, applied for jobs close to home when they came up, and trusted that an opportunity would reveal itself. Eventually I did get one – ten minutes away!

State of Being – “As Me”

This stage is one where a person feels their connection with a greater energy.  There’s a sensing that they are not separate from everything, but “one” with everything. That they are an “individualized expression of a greater force”. (Richards)

I shared at the beginning that I felt I spent time in this stage when I was taking part in a personal development course. When I was standing there staring into the eyes of a stranger, I felt like I could see myself in them.  Through that vision there was a sense of “oneness”.

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Learning about each stage and seeing where I “fit” gave me an awareness of where I am in my spiritual development. This in turn has enabled me to consider it in each area of my life, such as my career. I don’t see the stages as a checklist, but rather an opening of awareness to how I can unfold.

Where would I like to be and how can I get there? These days I feel like I could spend more time in the “Channel” stage. I’ve come to realize that I really enjoy letting go and having more faith. And interestingly, it often works out! I have a feeling it will take the rest of my life to find moments when I’m at that “State of Being” level, but I look forward to the journey to get there.

To learn more I encourage you to listen to the podcast or visit this site for a really good summary.

Unfolding tip:

“We’re not in this world to get anything – we are in this world to let something unfold from within us”. Michael Bernard Beckwith

References:

The Four Stages of Spiritual Growth, By Chip Richards

Podcast of Mr. Beckwith at UCLAs Royce Hall (Oprah SuperSoul Conversation)