Opening Up the Space

On the eve of International Women’s Day I am reflecting on the women who have played an important part of my life.

The ones who demonstrate a combination of: strength in conviction, love, generosity, humor, compassion, self-awareness, courage, and resolve to step forward and be vulnerable. I am in awe of their ability to open up spaces for other women to have a voice where they feel they may not have had one. I’m seeing that in creating safer spaces for each other to share, understand, and amplify our voices, that we can take up more space and create change. 

I’m also thinking about all the work that still has to be done. Not only for women, but also for anyone who is bearing the weight of years of bias, prejudice, oppression and/or fear. Those who are marginalized or suffer every day because they don’t fit into a societal “norm”. Those who are silent, scared and afraid to stand up because of “something” they experienced. Or, those who have witnessed a cultural history of prejudice perpetuated by media and/or people who are uneducated, miseducated or are grasping on to the safe confines of their comfortable, deep-seated beliefs.

A safe space is needed.

To be safe we have to feel that we are not only being seen, but also being understood and accepted.  While I understand what it’s like to be scared, I have not always clearly understood the heavy challenges faced by those who are marginalized. I had seen it, yes, but not understood enough to ignite my voice, open that space up or initiate positive change.

Seeing and understanding are two different things. 

Seeing is surface level – looking at something for what it appears to be, and most times, believing it because we’re using our own lens of the world to label and interpret it. It can be a comfy place to be. Understanding requires questioning and unearthing why something may be the way it is.

It’s not often easy work to understand because it makes us question what we have always believed to be true. It may mean learning things about ourselves that are not attractive, or realizing something was done to us that was not right. But when we acknowledge those things in ourselves or the situation, it leads to a search and openness for new knowledge that leads to greater understanding. From there, that’s where we need both the space to say things out loud, to share the space and open it up for others.   

In seeking greater understanding about topics that are top of mind…

… around equality, racial bias, Indigenous history and ways of knowing, and others – I have had to confront my own inherent biases, make mistakes as I try to correct them, educate, re-educate and be persistent in seeking out the truth (hard facts that are not always easy to find in the minutiae of social media, internet and news).

In doing so, I have realized how little space I was taking, and offering, to make change. I didn’t have the knowledge or understanding, and that was the first step.

The irony is that I consider myself a change agent in my professional life. I help people learn and grow. I help with organizational change.  Recently I have come to the conclusion that if I want to be an effective change agent in my professional life, then I need to practice it better in my personal life. To triple check that I am being inclusive, keeping an open mind and taking accountability for my actions.

The last number of years have impacted me greatly. 

I have met, and come to know better, amazing women who, using their own brave voices, have opened up a space for me to learn and seek greater understanding, about myself and the world around me. They have given me a thirst for knowledge and understanding, through a space that is safe for me to ask dumb questions, try stuff out, have a voice, and make changes. I have laid out all my weaknesses in front of them, and they still accept me.

Now it’s my turn to do that more.

I want to be a stronger woman, friend, mother, daughter, educator – person. And I will do that by continuing to educate and arm myself with knowledge, question what may not actually be true, review my own inherent biases, learn, ask questions, reflect, lean in with kindness, and share my voice.

We are always looking for signs that people will accept us and make us feel that we matter.  Even though much of how we feel about ourselves is grounded in our own experiences and self worth, I want to demonstrate actions that will be a signal to others. I want to send an invitation to others that I am open, can give support and that I offer a safe space that can be shared with them. A space like the one that others have given to me.